Back Off

We had on Animal Planet, and he wanted to make sure we kept it that way.

I Need a Purpose

Don't you hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night and it is way to early to get up, but late enough to annoy you that once you fall back asleep, your alarm is going to go off seemingly immediately?

Me, too.

Know what I like to do in those moments?

Get up, locate the camera, and take a picture of my alarm clock to post on my blog.

I need a grander purpose in life.

Oh, The Things He Does For Me

What is it? It's a smoke detector. Covered in electrical tape. Why is the smoke detector covered in electrical tape? Because it has an annoying green light that has caused me to sucuumb to the wonderful world of insomnia. I finally asked Tim if there was something he could do about it.

Tim: Seriously?

Me: Yes, seriosuly.

Tim: The traffic on the turnpike barrelling by less than a mile away from our bedroom doesn't bother you, but the tiny green light on the smoke detector is a problem.

Me: Earplugs. There's nothing I can do about that green light when I wake up in the middle of the night. It mocks me, and then I can't get back to sleep.

Tim: Overdramatic sigh, clomping to his room to search for electrical tape. Ovrdramatically drags dining room chair into bedroom and slaps piece of electrical tape over the tiny green light. Turns off bedroom light. Green glow still present. Turns on bedroom light.

Me: Ugh! Can't you just...break the lightbulb or something?

Tim: What if that breaks the whole smoke detector and it starts beeping again?

Me: Valid point. Carry on.

Tim: Slaps another piece of electrical tape over the first. Turns off bedroom light. Green glow fainter, but still there. Turns on bedroom light. It's not the bulb. It's really thin plastic, so its just shining through.

Me: Can you cover the whole thing?

Tim: See these vents? I think they are somehow involved in DETECTING the SMOKE.

Me: Well, you have to do something! It's making me insane!

Tim: Huffily slaps electrical tape all over the smoke detector.

Me: OK, you didn't need to go that crazy.

Tim: Oh, no! My wife needs to sleep! You just better hope there's never a fire in here. "Well, sir, it seems that your smoke detector has been rendered useless by electrical tape." "Well Mr. Fireman, sir, my wife couldn't sleep with the TINY GREEN LIGHT attached to the smoke detector. I'll miss her, though."

Me: Funny.

Tim: Turns off bedroom light. No green glow.

Me: Yay!

Tim: Freak.

Me: I love you!

Vampire Skunk

When people hear that I have a skunk as a pet, they inevitably have a myriad of questions. The first is always, "Can he...spray?" But the runners up are, "Does he bite?" and "Does it hurt?"

To the first question, I always say "yes" and then explain that I have discovered that he has four types of biting. There's the "Hey, notice me" bite, the "playing" bite, the "Dude, you just scared the crap out of me" bite, and the "That's mine and you can't have it!" bite.

As far as the second question, it hurts in varying degrees in accordance with the bite types. From a "Eh, not so bad" hurt to a "Dude, you better watch yourself" pain, to an "Oops, shouldn't have scared him" discomfort, and finally the "Sweet Mother of God! Fine! Keep it!" debilitating agony. Evidenced by the picture below. It might not look so bad, but keep in mind it has had a whole 24 hours to bleed out and heal, and I have the lowest end of digital cameras.

This is what happens when you get in between a skunk and a Twix bar. (Please also excuse the horrendous state of my nails and cuticles. I have foregone manicures in order to be able to pay my mortgage.)

Question of the Day

No pictures to go with this post - I just figured I would add a question of the day:

Why is it that when women put on a skirt, they are suddenly so much more attractive then normal? (I hope you detect the sarcasm in this question.)

I dressed up today, because our biggest clients are visiting the office, and have received numerous comments. (Note to self: turn work access badge around when in elevator so creepy guys can't hit on me by name.) I suppose being complimented is nice, but I kind of want to respond with, "Seriously? I look the same as I do every day, only now you can see my legs."

Men are dumb.